or, “Dressing for Rape Culture”
Are you a lady, ladylike, or otherwise from an oppressed group targeted by cis men for sexual assault? Do you want to leave your house without getting sexually violated, but are afraid you can’t do so without looking frumpy and unfabulous? Well, fear no longer! This illustrated guide to anti-rape fashion will help you shock, spray and chemically detect your way to a safe, yet stylish, night on the town!
Step 1: Intimates
No, I don’t mean undergarments, let’s not get ahead of ourselves! The first step when getting dressed for a night of not being raped by men with penises, starts even more intimate than that.
You’ll feel snug and secure once you have a dazzling Rape-aXe anti-rape device, lined with attention-grabbing spikes, shoved up your coochie. Yowza!
Want to stop the assault before the neighborhood rapist gets passed your pants? Don’t have a vagina? Don’t stop reading here, there’s more!
Step 2: Underwear
Protect your spike-filled treasure spot further with a pair of AR Wear’s Rape Prevention Boy Briefs.
Whether you get them in “back-off black”, “blue balls blue”, or “virgin-for-the-night white”, these cuties for your patootie can’t be cut off, pulled up, or otherwise removed unless the special lock is undone by the wearer.
Pair them with the Society Harnessing Equipment (SHE), shockingly sexy lingerie that is equipped with a global positioning system (GPS) to alert the authorities, pressure sensors, and is capable of sending 3,800 kV to anyone getting a little too friendly on the dance floor.
Step 3: Clothing
You might already have your rape-proof underwear on, but adding a pair of AR Wear shorts not only adds an extra layer of protection, but pairs fantastically with an anti-molestation jacket, available in denim and knotted pile, and decorated with metal studs that give an electric shock to any assailant while keeping you looking snazzy.
Step 4: Cosmetics
So now you’re dressed, but wondering how you’re going to stay conscious the whole night as some poor fellow might still roofie your drink, not realizing the futility as you have now converted your body into an impenetrable fortress. That’s where cosmetics come in!
Undercover Color nail polish will add a splash of color which can alert you to popular date rape drugs that your beau may have slipped into your drink. Match the color with the right shade of 2 Love My Lips lipgloss, which comes with a FREE drink spike detector testing kit.
Sure, you might have your nails ready for anything, but your friends might not be as prepared (and might not want you sticking your fingers in their drinks), so having a few extra in your handbag can only help.
Step 5: Accessorize!
Finish off your look with a Lipstick Stun Gun and Pepper Spray Bundle. Coming in an assortment of colors, these sleek little tubes pack a big punch, with a 3 Million volt stun gun that fits effortlessly into an evening clutch.
And with that you can now enjoy your evening, secure in the knowledge that someone more vulnerable than you will be sexually assaulted by predators instead. Have fun!
Disclaimer: These tips might not work if you are not wearing or carrying the suggested products (say, if you are at home, or at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative, which covers about 60% of rapes in the United States), if you cannot afford to purchase the products, or if you are otherwise unable to properly use or obtain the products due to age, mental ability, physical ability, or any other reason.
Universities don’t support low-income students these days… but you can.
As suggested, I created an Indiegogo campaign for my fundraiser trying to make it to fourth year and graduation despite being poor/low-income. I was hesitant to create one because in my gut I’ve always felt guilty asking for help when I need it most. But I’m done putting my ego in front of what needs to be done - I need help getting through an extra year of university while battling depression and living in a room smaller than a walk-in closet.
Please share if you can.
Administrative nightmares *-* Who wants to go back to the pre-civilization era with me?
For eight years I wore foundation on my face every day. I couldn’t go out without it. Then one day I spent 30 minutes looking for a vegan friendly powder foundation and couldn’t find anything affordable, and so, being the lazy person I am, I decided I would just stop wearing foundation if I couldn’t find one without too much of an effort.
And actually I think I look great without it. It took a couple weeks for my skin to recover from years of being covered in toxic powder. I just wash my face with water twice a day. It doesn’t get too greasy or too dry. And if it does get dry in the winter, I’ll use coconut oil. Perfect.
My doctor doesnt even know that I’m vegan. She always respects me Bc of my great blood test results :D
Tell a doctor you’re a vegan and watch them freak out and tell you that you’re going to become anemic, although they just checked your red blood cell count and it is perfect. Then go to the cafeteria after donating blood and see that they only serve non-foods like meat and cheese sandwiches and chocolate bars made with eggs and dairy.
Health!!!! Be careful, dear followers. Don’t become an anemic vegan like me. Eat rotting corpses and cow pus every day or you will die. Please!